Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
