I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
