Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
