we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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