my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
whose parrot is this?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
