Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Pants are for mortals
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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