i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
