dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I am one with the molecules
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
