she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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