I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Randomize
