Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
