Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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