Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
