if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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