So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
