Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
