Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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