If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
