I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
