Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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