I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
