some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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