Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
