Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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