He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
