We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
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He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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