What a fucking waste of an outfit
Someone shit on the floor
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
