If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
