wanna go halves on a baby?
I think I am morally bankrupt
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
