Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
