I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
