is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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