He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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