Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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