Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
