My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
