His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
