at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
