So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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