Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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