Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
