She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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