I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
