Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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