he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Never underestimate the power of titties
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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