I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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