a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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