you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I love having hate sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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