I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
