she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
