"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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