mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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