THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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