no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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