i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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