i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
