doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
4 words: hood of his car
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
