No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
