thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
