Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
