TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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