I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
