There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
