Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
