I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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