To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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