people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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