I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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