Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
