i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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