Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
