Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So much rum. So many feels.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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