so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
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I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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