so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
