Life is so much better after having sex.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
