I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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