I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
